I worry that such behaviour is a sign he’s incapable of emotional intimacy, but he won’t discuss it and says I’m questioning his morals and sexuality
My partner and I are both 50 and have been together for 18 months. Three months ago, he let slip that he had visited escorts for 10 years while in his 30s and single. I was stunned. All he has said since is that he paid for sex once or twice a month. He won’t reopen the topic because he says I am questioning his morals and sexuality. I find him more emotionally distant than usual. He had a difficult childhood (both his parents were alcoholics), but refuses either individual or couples counselling. However, he is faithful, hardworking, reliable and intelligent. (He watches porn, which I have accepted.) Now I wonder: is he trustworthy? What if he kept quiet to protect someone else? Is a decade of transactional sex a sign that he is incapable of emotional intimacy?
Try to focus on who he is now, rather than how he might have been 20 years ago. People change and grow. They have different needs and styles at different points in their lives, and most become more sexually mature as they age. A history of hiring escorts in his 30s does not render him untrustworthy. It might, for example, have been an expedient choice for someone wanting occasional sex, but too busy to date.
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