A new relationship will long outlive – and swiftly obscure – the heartache you’ve been through, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma Eighteen months ago, my husband left me and our children, who were both under five. We had been through a rocky period, drifting apart a little. I put this down in part to the demands of our jobs and my second pregnancy (severe morning sickness meant I lost my sex drive). But to him the spark was gone. There was already strong evidence of affairs and he was in an official relationship with one of those women within months of our split. They moved in together and she now sees my children during my ex’s contact time. I thought the shock would kill me, but I have coped through the hell of my heartbreak and have come to the conclusion I am better off without him. But I’m still in so much pain. Seeing families at the school gates literally hurts me. My ex’s family accept his new partner (they also still see me and are supportive, which I’m grateful for).I can’t contemplate a new relationship. I’ve had some casual dates and even sex, but it all meant nothing to me. I feel my trust has been damaged forever. If my own husband can’t stay with me, then who will?
Mariella replies A better man. It sounds like you are well rid of your ex, who I hope will learn how lucky he was to have married such a reasonable woman in the first place. Reading your letter, the first thing that occurred to me was how balanced and clear-headed your description of your marriage breakdown is. Despite the pain you have endured. There’s no indication of the histrionics and bartering over children that are all too often the staples of such a separation. It sounds, too, as though you’ve accepted the children maintaining a close relationship with their father, including seeing him in the company of his new partner. That will have increased your own suffering in the short-term, so it’s yet another reason why you should be extremely proud of yourself.
Continue reading...from The Guardian http://bit.ly/2Hysobr
via
0 Comments