I first came out in my early 40s, following a destructive affair with a colleague. Coming out was not nearly as stressful as recovering from the affair, or the period surrounding it during which I questioned and eventually began to understand my sexuality. I had been married for 15 years to the father of my children, and the changes these realisations brought about were complicated and challenging to navigate.
I had wondered about my sexuality after my second child was born (in my mid-30s) but due to the trauma of my brother’s suicide at around that time all my emotional energy was taken up with surviving, alongside parenting small children and depression. By the time I fell for the woman at work I had lost any remaining affection for my husband, and the chaos of an affair was a distraction from my emotional emptiness. I remember thinking, “Fuck it – I’ve got nothing left to lose,” and throwing myself headlong into the affair, ending my relationship with my husband within about a fortnight.
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