Walking away would be understandable but in our morally hysterical times, yours is a courageous stance, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma One of my best friends from my teenage years was recently incarcerated for having sexual relations with someone under the legal age. I am angry and upset with my friend, as he has not taken responsibility for his actions, denied wrongdoing and made excuses ever since, such as he thought the person in question was older and he was lied to. That he was aware has been proven. I didn’t know what he had done until he was arrested, nor did I know what he was up to, but I feel I should have. While it is irrational, a part of me feels regret, or guilt, for not stopping him or the act, and I feel awful for the victim, as though it is my fault. Many of our friends and his family have cut him off. However, I feel the need to be loyal, as he supported me through the break up of a relationship, my father passing away and severe depression. This has brought me under scrutiny from friends and family for remaining friends with someone who commits such acts. I feel so torn and I don’t know what to think or do.
Mariella replies Your friend committed a crime, justice has been served and he is now in jail paying the price for his actions. Whether you choose to cut him out of your life or attempt to come to terms with what he has done out of respect for his mitigating qualities as a friend is entirely up to you. I’m sure if I was the parent of his underage victim, I’d struggle to see the bigger picture, but as I’m not I can try and address your dilemma with the clarity of the unaffected.
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