Exiting the EU is a job for the country’s brightest minds. They weren’t available, so we’ve got Karen, Gavin and Geoffrey
In the depths of Building 87 at Microsoft’s Washington state headquarters, there’s a laboratory rated the quietest place on the planet. This anechoic chamber is so silent that someone standing in it can hear not just their heart beating, but the blood flowing in their veins. People can’t handle the experience for more than minutes. Nasa has sent astronauts to a similar lab in Minnesota, to prepare them for the terrifying silence of space. Both of these facilities, however, are currently less silent than Michael Gove. Remember him? By way of a refresher course, Michael was one of the architects of Brexit. Or perhaps that’s the wrong word, given the mess. Describing someone as an architect of Brexit is like describing the Luftwaffe as an architect of London. Let’s say Michael was one of the frontmen of the campaign for the UK to leave the European Union, and is currently secretary of state for the environment.
But you may recall him for his decision, in the immediate wake of the referendum, to knife leadership hopeful Boris Johnson. This treachery backfired spectacularly, with Michael’s behaviour widely regarded as too distasteful even for the Conservative party. Mindful that his personal brand was marginally more toxic than the Exxon Valdez, then, Michael has spent the past two and a half years cleaning up the fallout, via apologetic interviews, launching about six “big idea” consultations a week, and being photographed going into cabinet carrying a refillable coffee cup. The latter ruse was probably my favourite; I only wish Brutus had waved something similar round the Capitol in late March 44BC. It would have saved a lot of unpleasantness.
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