A decade after my mother’s murder, fear still reigns in Chechnya | Lana Estemirova

My mother, Natalya Estemirova, was shot dead for bringing war crimes to light. But I will make sure her death wasn’t in vain

Aged eight, I have a nightmare. Russian soldiers are breaking down the door of our flat. Mum and I run into the sunlit living room. A hand grabs me roughly and yanks me away from my mother, causing a sharp pain in my elbow. Her screams echo in my ears – but I can’t utter a word. Then I hear a cry so heart-rending that it turns into a hoarse rattle: “Lana!” I’m forced on to my knees in the dark corridor. “Please, please, spare her,” I beg, before hearing a shot. No more screams. I slowly look up at a soldier, but I can’t see his face. “Just kill me,” I whisper and hear another shot. There is a sharp pain in my chest and I feel myself going. Then I wake up.

Related: Court in Chechnya banishes human rights activist to penal colony

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