Don’t compromise on such a vital element of a committed relationship, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and it’s been near perfect, if not for the fact we don’t have sex. It dwindled after three months and I attempted to initiate it – even though it’s not really my character – to no avail. Now it’s not only barely existent but unenjoyable for me as he feels obliged to do it. I’ve always had a high sex drive and at the moment it’s all I think about. I really care about him and feel this is the man I could marry and have children with – he’s voiced several times that this is what he wants, too. I’ve brought the issue up no less than five times now and each time he either changes the subject or blames stress at work. The problem is, he wants me to move in with him, so this has well and truly come to a head. I need to make him see that this is a huge issue for me. I would have considered moving in and seeing how it went, but we don’t live close so this will be a big upheaval. How do I tactfully broach the subject?
Mariella replies Is there a tactful way to say, “Over my dead body?” You have to ask yourself an important question: why would an intelligent, functional, rational, human being expect you to opt for a sexless future with a person who can’t even communicate why they’re unable to engage with you physically?
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