Raging is easy but is neither good for your sanity, nor the best way to effect change, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma Ever since I made the conscious decision to live my life fully as a feminist, it has been fraught with conflict and stress. I’m determined to make a mental note of any discrimination against my gender, to open my eyes and stop editing out instances – on the television, internet, radio and day-to-day life – of women being treated differently to men. I’ve also stopped putting a man’s psychological comfort ahead of my own – at work, in the street, in a queue, at home, in the pub, everywhere. My conflict and stress don’t originate in interactions or arguments with others, but from the mental effort of attempting not to live in a dreamlike state, ignoring evidence everywhere, all the time. What advice do you have so that I can manage the fury of being downgraded daily because I’m female, and at the same time endure women being ridiculed, ignored or simply laughed at by men who just dismiss it as an angry made-up “female” thing?
Mariella replies There’s a challenge! You vividly conjure up the reality of the path you’ve chosen, alert to every slight and misdemeanour and gloves on ready to battle back rather than simply let the buggers get away with it. Believe it or not, despite experiencing the slow, simmering rage brewed up by simply existing in the face of so much obvious injustice, you’ve taken the easiest path. Assuaging male egos and entering into negotiation is a more time-consuming business than being woke to the #everydaysexism that weaves itself into our lives like a jellyfish tentacle, barely perceptible but no less painful when we brush into it.
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