Our once-binary world is loosening its shackles, says Mariella Frostrup. Be inquisitive but don’t feel pressured to define yourself yet
The dilemma I’m a 16-year-old girl and in need of advice concerning sexuality. I’ve only been questioning it since I was 15, and I frantically search the internet for answers all the time, even though I know it’s not that simple (especially for someone as young as me who has had little experience with relationships). For a while I’ve settled on the term “bisexual”, because I know I’m not straight, but even that doesn’t feel right. I’m physically attracted to boys, but I’ve only had one real crush and that was four years ago. I’m definitely physically attracted to girls, too, although some days I’m not into it as much, and other days I’ll be all for it. This might lead you to think that bisexual is a good label for me to stick with, but I’ve never had a proper crush on a girl, and I don’t know if I could be romantically attracted. I know it sounds pretty silly and that I have time to figure out who I am and what I like, but I’m anxious all the time over it.
Mariella replies Thanks for writing. I’m sorry, but not surprised, to hear that you’re feeling confused. As our once-binary world loosens its shackles on our sexuality it sometimes seems to be piling up almost as much pressure as it relieves. With so many choices and tribes to consider, it must be positively baffling to be a teenager awakening to the myriad paths before you. I’m not suggesting we revert to the landscape of my teenage years when, as a girl, even admitting to sexual desire marked you down as a bad ’un, but with so many options, how are you to make your selection? And how much do you want to get bogged down in the “research”?
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